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The Miracle of Death

The first encounter of death I had was that of my grandfather when I was seven. I still can recall the ceremony before he was buried when some of us, his grandchildren were carried and passed over his coffin one by one. Someone on the other side of the coffin caught each one of us until everyone was over. I did not know why it was being done and I never bothered to ask anyone until now about the meaning of this ritual.

Then when I was around ten, I had a more profound encounter with death losing my Dad in a motorcycle accident. I remember when his lifeless body was brought in our house. I don’t know why it was not brought in the hospital or in the morgue. A few days after we laid him to rest, I was so afraid of seeing a ghost and seeing him in our backyard. This fear never leaves me until my adult life.

When I lost my son three years ago, that’s when I realized I really have no idea what it is about death I am afraid of.  It could be a concept of ghost I never outgrew or the fear of being abandoned or perhaps for not knowing what will happen after death. I’m afraid of not knowing what to do.

I know death will come but I never live believing it will. If I did, I will do things differently on my son. I could have been more loving and forgiving everyday. I could have wasted no time magnifying his flaws. I could have focused on savoring every moment with him and hugging him and laughing with him. I felt so dumb.

I was so lost and so thirsty of knowing where my son was and what will happen to him in the life hereafter.   It was so simple to understand that the process of decomposition will happen to his body as soon as it touches the ground. It will go back to the element where it came from and new living things will spring out of there once more. Death is not only dying, it is also a continuous cycle of living as well.

The difficult part is those which my senses could not grasp.  I cannot feel his spirit which he was composed of. I cannot see it, I cannot hear it. What happen to this part of him? Did I really lose all of him? Was he just a body? I know he is not, he was more than that. He was more than the body of JC, the name we choose for him.

I realized I did not lose the whole of him after all. My JC is a spirit with a body; in fact, he is not mine. He belongs to the one who created him after all. The ghost could be the spirit to some, too difficult to explain. Our minds are limited to that which can only be comprehended by our senses so it was easy to dismiss the reality of the spirit within us. Death is not only leaving, it is also coming to where we came from.

All the while I thought I lose him.  I thought he was gone. But through the years, he makes me feel he is not. How could I not believe in the living spirit when he is continually working to make my life better here on earth? This is where I find the miracles 🙂

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32 Comments
  1. Aui Vivares
    blindloveweb 5 months ago

    I am at a loss of words knowing yr pain,and speechless to go thru this piece of writing…..I dont have any justified ,reasonable thing so that u find solace.I pray so that miracles happens and you feel there’s more than life in his death and he is present in yr soul now ,without a body and as a result tremendous amount of heavenly light of solace encircle your being …..stay blessed….death wd befall everyone,u know that so till then try to live with watever gives u peace n solace…please🙏

    • Aui Vivares Author
      Aui V. 5 months ago

      Thank you. I have no words to say as well because I can feel you. Thanks again 🙂

  2. Aui Vivares
    jade0207 5 months ago

    Beautiful how you talk about your losses. I understand your pain. If you ever need someone to talk to just hit me up!

  3. Aui Vivares
    williwash 6 months ago

    Reblogged this on WilliWash.

  4. […] via The Miracle of Death (3 min read) — Millionaire’s Digest […]

  5. Aui Vivares
    Broken Crayons 10 months ago

    I am so sorry for your loss
    Stay strong!#I will be praying for you 🙂

  6. Aui Vivares
    Autumn Whewell 11 months ago

    I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I loved this article. I have recently lost my 7 year old dog, so thank you for this. I believe death is hard for many to deal with.

  7. Aui Vivares
    eliwoodbine 11 months ago

    What a beautifully honest and personal account.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Eli

    • Aui Vivares Author
      Aui V. 11 months ago

      Hi Eli! The pleasure is mine. Thanks for dropping by 🙂

  8. Aui Vivares
    Raymond Bernardo 1 year ago

    I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t help but comment because it really touches my heart. A month ago we were both shocked and saddened by a death of my stepchild who happened to be the same name as your son JC. (his name is John Crisdon). At first we keep on asking why. In a very young age of 7, he suffered from aneurysm. Hardly, we need to accept that he had served his purpose on Earth and touch our lives even in a short time. Likewise, i know your son fulfilled his purpose and make you realise a lot of things in life. He’s not gone, and i strongly believe that there will come a time that you will meet each other again. Hava a nice day! 🙂

    • Aui Vivares Author
      Aui V. 1 year ago

      Thank you Ray! It is true that JC’s death made me realize so much about life. The best lesson his death thought me is about eternal life. I agree with you that he is not gone, he is alive in another dimension of life. Yes, I see his purpose also after publishing the book I have written ((after losing him) especially today, with what our country is facing in terms of addiction. By the way you might want to read the copy of my book here
      https://www.wattpad.com/story/62062173-the-booze-stole-my-son-don%27t-let-it-steal-yours

      Thank you again

      Aui

      • Aui Vivares
        Raymond Bernardo 1 year ago

        Sure thing. I’ll check it out i’m sure theres a lot of valuable lessons therein. Thanks!

      • Aui Vivares Author
        Aui V. 1 year ago

        🙂

  9. Aui Vivares
    evenmoreyou 1 year ago

    I definitely believe in an afterlife. I lost my little sister and it’s crazy, but there are times when I do feel her. I am sorry about your losses.

    Carlee- evenmoreyou.wordpress.com

  10. Aui Vivares
    bursh1 1 year ago

    You have really suffered loss. I feel your pain, because I experienced that 20 years ago when I lost my father, I barely know him well because I was still young then. Please accept my condolences…

  11. […] via The Miracle of Death (3 min read) — The Millionaire’s Digest […]

  12. Aui Vivares

    You’ve suffered much loss. The death of ones child is incomprehensible. I too have suffered great loss. And something stuck with me after I lost my best friend more recently. They remain alive as you carry them close in your heart and that is their legacy. This gave me great comfort. I truly believe you will know and see your son again.

  13. Aui Vivares
    Loren Killdeer 1 year ago

    Incredibly heartwarming story

  14. Aui Vivares
    Lisa Meister 1 year ago

    My heart breaks for your losses, and your piece shows your pain. There is purpose to life, and everyone feels it. It must be known that a relationship with Jesus explains all that. Then the sting of death goes knowing we will see our loved ones again. The agony of trying to justify life in death goes away. I hope this helps you, and again, I am still sorry.

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