5 Lessons Learned from Arranged Marriages

Written By Millionaire’s Digest Team Member: Ann Hall

Founder & Owner of: A Coffee with Friends

Millionaire’s Digest Team, Contributor, Family & Life and Travel Writer


Valentines Day, dating, rooming in, trying things out, and moving out on your own as a couple may seem like normal transitions to some but did you know that 90%of marriages in India and 60% of the population of the world practice arranged marriages?

honor

Asian weddings are full of ceremonies with many of these being surrounded around showing respect for parents. Often marriages these days are mutual agreement on a mate between the child and his/her parents.

With that being said, I know many families who had arranged marriages and several friends who anticipate the day their marriage will be arranged by their parents. As always, different perspectives such as these can help open our minds to another way and help increase our understanding of love.  An interesting quote I’ve heard several times from these friends is:

You fall in love first then marry, we marry and then fall in love.

Many advocates for arranged marriage say:

Westerners shop for spouses like they do clothes.

Once they tire of them, they toss them away.

These quotes may be offensive to you but take in what’s being said, true love is defined as commitment, acceptance, even sight unseen in many cases going deeper than attraction.

holding-hands

90% of marriages in India are arranged by their parents.

I recently met a hill tribe family who practices arranged marriages and explained this 2000-year-old tradition. From early childhood, the kids “play wedding” in the school yard with eager anticipation for the day their parents introduce them to their life mate. A friend from this hill tribe describes her marriage as “very difficult” the first 2 years but says they are learning to love each other and it is getting better. So what can we learn from this Eastern tradition?  Here are some take aways.

  1. Love includes life long commitment above the attraction.
  2. Love is a choice even more than a feeling.
  3. Finding a life long mate is a decision involving all family members in harmony and with the expectation that family will be an integral part of the couple’s lives.
  4. Our upbringing and family help define what we consider to be love.
  5. The idea of “finding the perfect soul mate” is more of a western pursuit that may or may not is motivated by a pure heart or result in true love. Hmmm?!

callie-and-eli-at-dates-wedding

Whatever the case may be, may your valentine be your mate that you have committed to love for life in good or bad or rich or poor! Please share your thoughts and opinions here!


Article Credits: Ann Hall

Millionaire’s Digest Team, Contributor

(For Family & Life, Health & Fitness, Travel Bloggers & More)

 

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29 Comments
  1. WednesdaysWithZo 2 years ago

    Thanks for the read!
    I think its not possible to decide which one can be better, love marriage or arranged as its different for every individual.
    But I have friends who have had arranged marriages and they’re really very happy. 😀

    • Author
      Marc and Ann 2 years ago

      I agree!i know both too who are happy. I do think that those who are single should come snider what true love is and contentment so that they can choose wisely! Thank you for your comment and reading the blog.

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  3. Aaron Williamson 2 years ago

    great job

  4. eunoiacharm 2 years ago

    Its a good article.am an indian and our culture has been so for so many years.though there are some drawbacks here and there.the support system of the bride’s and groom’s family along with the commitment notion is what makes it a plesant married life!

  5. -Eugenia 2 years ago

    Very interesting and well written post.

  6. Aishwarya 2 years ago

    I am from India but born into a liberal family where they will be happy for me to choose my partner. But I suppose the value system I have seen around me ensures that I will my best for everyone to be happy in my happiness. Also, I have seen several arranged marriages, my parents had one too. While my parents are going strong and theirs is a match I really admire, there are many that go down the drain! And likewise for alliances formed from love. I suppose it has less to do with the way the alliance as formed and more to do with the two people in it!

    • Author
      Marc and Ann 2 years ago

      Very true and wise! I think you are approaching it the best way. Looking for the right one for you and letting your family be a part. Blessings!

  7. womenincloset 2 years ago

    The concept of arranged marriage is very much influenced by the culture you are in. Also it’s a chance-game, the marriage might work or it might not, in either case, you’ll have to live with it. Getting out can be hell in some cultures.
    Thanks for bringing up the topic, good read 🙂

  8. sarahbeg 2 years ago

    This is very true. Do read my blog on the same topic. https://wordpress.com/post/readbetweenthelines.blog/756

  9. williwash 2 years ago

    Reblogged this on WilliWash.

  10. We Indians still choose to go by our parents choice…however love marriages are happening a lot now.

  11. Zinni 2 years ago

    Greetings from India! I too anticipate that my parents have the sole right to choose my life partner, but only if they take my agreement for it! Arranged marriages have left deepest affections on couples. I have seen this in my family for three generations. 🙂

  12. Yankydoodledoo~? 2 years ago

    I’m an Asian, but luckily, we don’t practice arranged marriages in our country (there are some groups though)
    I still believe that the right to choose a partner is a right reserved in an individuals. If we actually try to consider, most reasons why parents arrange marriages for their children is because they are protecting the family interest. Lucky for you if your heart is free and open to love the first person that comes along. But what if you already love someone else? I don’t think it you will commit yourself to someone you don’t love. In this part, I take the Western side

  13. thegirlnextdoor 2 years ago

    Wow ? nice article! Yes 90% of marriages in India are arranged. True

  14. ikyernum 2 years ago

    Good

  15. Sam 2 years ago

    Question: If you are in a culture that practices arranged marriages, do you have to marry? Or do you agree that you would like to marry before the marriage is arranged?

    • Author
      Marc and Ann 2 years ago

      Good question Sam. Most of the time the children are part of the decision making. There are still many times that the parents choose without the children choosing.

  16. RahulYuvi 2 years ago

    Good one however I am afraid that 90% has probably come down to 75 % or so.. Without going into numbers and the discussion about which even is better out of Arranged & Love marriage ( an evergreen hot topic of discussion here in India , where the aged vouch for former while the youth turn advocate for the latter) , I think a relation where love between both the individuals is backed by due respect and space to each other gonna be successful for sure !

    Besides , arranged or Love , a marriage in India is something everyone must witness at least once- a wonderful aura owing to unlimited warmth between family members, unending smiles on everyone’s face , food & delicacies to die for , the whole pomp & show with love in abundance , ah ! I want to get married gain : ) ..hey wait ,to my wife only I mean !! 🙂

    • Author
      Marc and Ann 2 years ago

      Thank you for the insider view! I’m now dying to be a part of an wedding in India now (as a guest of course!?).

      I love the harmony and community of arranged marriages when done right! A beautiful ancient agreement blessing everybody involved! Thank you again.

      • RahulYuvi 2 years ago

        You are most welcome..Do lets us know whenever u visit India, we – as in my whole family – will be happy to welcome u and we will make sure that you get to attend ( which can’t be guaranteed though ?) or atleast know traditional Indian arranged marriage,full of designer wears and laughter, in full detail.?

  17. […] Source: 5 Lessons Learned from Arranged Marriages (1 min read) […]

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